Happy Mother's Day

My girl, Mallory Jewel. August 29, 2005

Yep...very much pregnant. With my beloved grandma. Mallie was "her" girl, from the first moment.

My Mallie. Her first strawberry "crop", last week. My little gardener.

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Did I really put on the internet, for the whole freaking world to see, me preggo?!?! What was I thinking...oy.

Well anyway...

Happy Mother's Day.

I'm still amazed at the fact that I am a mom. I still remember, vividly, the feelings of pure fear at the concept of taking home this perfect little angel to raise feeling like at any moment the nurses will realize just how inept I was feeling and change their minds. Feeling like I could fail her at any moment. That I was unworthy of being her mom and being entrusted with her care.

So far so good. I still feel that way from time to time, though. But maybe that feeling should never go away. My girl. My perfect, sometimes bratty, always adorable, always MINE little girl.

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This evening I saw a post on facebook from a friend who said here's to all those who should be moms. This hurts my heart. It brought into clear focus those whose lives have been changed by miscarriage, infertility, whatever, and want so desperately to be moms and who would be such great moms. I pray my friend hasn't had to deal with these issues. I pray for all those who have. I imagine for those who were finally able to carry to term and deliver babies this holiday is sweeter than any other. I pray for them, too. Thanking God that they have been blessed as I have been blessed.

I pray for my friend who lost her son earlier this year. I pray hard for her and for all the moms out there who have had to bury their children, whether as babies, or grownups. I can't imagine it's any easier no matter the age. They will always be somone's baby, as mine will always be my baby.

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Happy Mother's Day to you, whether you're a mom in your heart, a mom via the miracle of childbirth, a stand-in mom (foster moms), an adoptive mom, a grandma...at any point when a woman touches a child, be it her own or another's, she in a sense becomes like a mom. Happy Mother's Day to you.