My 10 year old daughter is in fifth grade this year. Where did the time go?! She's in beginning band (YAY!), will have the dreaded "health" class (oh, Lord, please help me!), and is coming into her own as an independent, free-spirited, compassionate, big-hearted human being. I am so proud of her and who is, despite having me for a mother.
I say that with a story to back it up. After her conditioning class at the dance studio, I had the first chance to really converse with her about her day. She'd had a field-trip today. Her class went to Wichita (about an hours drive away) to learn about fire/disaster safety and preparedness. She told me all about the "fire safe house" which is a simulator of sorts that kids can go into. They spent the day doing hands-on activities. And, presumably, working up quite the lunch-time appetite.
Backstory: Last week, I got text reminders from the school regarding the need for a sack lunch. One that did not require refrigeration, as there wouldn't be a cooler. This was stressed, via text/email/notes home. I got the message, however I forgot about the dang lunch. This morning, at 7:20am, she reminds me she needs a lunch. I throw on a sweatshirt over my pj's and run to the kwik shop to buy an apple and bag of chips to go with the peanut butter sandwich (our school has not yet banned peanut products, thank goodness). Lunch was a go! Crisis averted.
She knows that I work in child welfare. Not with families, but with case workers, and a good family friend is a foster parent from time to time, and she's been friends both through our good friend and kids at school with foster kids. She knows some kids have rough lives.
Back to the conversation. She proceeded to tell me about how that morning before school she witnessed her best friends dad throw a sack lunch at her saying, "It's a lunchable, you'll get sick and you'll probably die, but you'll eat it." My girl didn't know what in the world to do, and was stricken to hear such language from a father to his child. On top of that, my girl is a staunch defender of anyone she perceives is being bullied, but she bit her tongue, put her arm around her friend and they walked into the school together. Mallory told the teacher what she'd witnessed, and the teacher convinced the girl to not eat the Lunchable since it wouldn't be kept cold. The girl was in tears, that was her only lunch option. The teacher suggested she ask her friends to share their lunches.
My child rose to the occasion without having to be asked, giving her friend half her sandwich, the apple I'd ran to the store to buy, and half the chips.
And my reaction? Why in the world did you give away practically all of your lunch?! It was inconvenient for me to run to the store in the morning, all chaotic and frantic, throw something together for you that was reasonably healthy, and make sure you had food...and you GIVE IT AWAY?! I was actually mad.
I. Was. Mad. Oh my God. I was mad. I work in freaking child welfare, and I was mad that my girl gave food to a hungry friend, who'd been traumatized and humiliated by her own father that very morning....and I was mad.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?
Instead of praising my child to no end, I lectured her. Instead of reinforcing to her that what she did was the exemplification of Christ's love, what it means to be self-less and giving and loving, how the world is THAT MUCH better of a place because she's in it, instead of comforting my child and hugging her and reminding her that while there are bad parents in the world she doesn't ever have to worry about that, I was mad.
I'm a horrible mom. I want a do-over.
I did do and say all of those things, but they should have been my first reaction. Not irritation over my frantic morning, the result of which was due to my own poor planning.
My child is who she is in spite of me. And I THANK GOD for that.
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